it's been a while

It has been a busy few weeks. I am still working on trying to figure out what I want and where I want to go in my life. I am disappointed I haven't heard anything from either job interview from a couple of weeks ago, but it is the holiday season, so I am hoping that might be contributing to the delay.

Just got back yesterday from a really nice working vacation with the husband. It really was a nice time and I had fun. But he was looking all weekend for something to "get" me on. He couldn't find anything, so on the flight back, when I made a joke to the flight attendant about me sitting in the last row, middle seat he flew into a rage. He started cursing at me calling me names and saying "that's it, I'm done."

He is trying to hold me hostage, trying to force me to behave and bend over backwards by threatening me with leaving. Today, I really don't care. He did it again. It had nothing to do with him. My mom called and was sick. While I was talking to her, the battery on the handset died. My phone is weird and when that happened, it screws up the phone for like 10 mins till it resets. He started screaming at me to go get the other handset, which I did, but it didn't work, just like I knew. I put both on the counter and slid them across the counter and he started screaming at me telling me to stop throwing the phone across the room. Excuse me? I am so sick of his "poor me, victim mentality". Give me a break. Then, he started screaming at me to stop screaming when I hadn't even raised my voice. It was pathetic and disgusting.

He always thinks everyone is out to get him. We were in the airport and had a bad experience with the person checking us in. When he returned from speaking with customer service later he could not even wait. He kept saying the woman was watching him and every time she picked up the phone he would say "well, she is calling security on me." He actually got a recorder and started recording because he believed security was going to come detain him for complaining to customer service about the crabby employee. It was actually funny to me. We met some rather well known people this weekend. It was really fun for me, getting to meet some of these folks, getting my picture taken. I always hear about how these people are his buddies and how they know him. They had no clue who he was. One or two might have recognized seeing him, but none of them knew his name. He just doesn't get it. And even as much of a bastard as he was to me, I don't have the heart to break it. But part of me doesn't think he would believe me, even if I told him.

It is not looking like this is going to work. He doesn't want to give any at all. I understand it has been tough the past couple of years, but I am getting tired of the story getting worse every time I hear it. It started out with the last year being bad, then the past 3 years. Now, the last time we talked, its been bad since we got married 5 years ago. Make up your mind. I have been ill for a while, but I am finally getting better. That is all I care about right now.

That's all for now...