It's still kinda going downhill. I went and saw a friend today. One of the few who knows what is going on. For the first time in months if not years someone told me I was a valuable person, talented and someone of worth. It's sad that I had to hear that from a friend and not my husband.
My husband agreed to go to the therapist on Thursday but he was very reluctant. I told him we can't work through anything by not talking and he said he doesn't like talking about it, he has his own way of working through it. I told him he needed to tell the truth about his feelings or we would be wasting our time. He then sarcastically asked if I could handle it, because he could be brutally honest. I figure I can take it. I mean I fully expect to divorce by January, so how much worse can it get?
I wish I was pretty. If I was, maybe it would make a difference. I mean, having a good job can only get me so far. If I was pretty, men would want to be with me. People would want to spend time with me. If they did, then they would have time to get to know me and see me for who I am. I wish I could be sensual towards my husband, but how can I be, when all I see in the mirror is a disgusting blob that's sick and overweight. My own mother stopped loving me the day I grew out of a size 6. How could I expect more from someone who is related only by choice?
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