Last evening we had another of our hour long talks... getting feelings out in the open. Everything i hear just crushes me. I know I was in a dark place, but he has been unhappy for years... I never knew. I knew things were not great in the beginning, but I thought that was just normal, two people who were set in their own ways trying to find a way together. That is not how he saw it.
He remembered the fight we had on our honeymoon. I remember that it was my time of the month and I was miserable. He remembered me threatening to reveal some stupid BS he did when he was younger. Nothing life ending, just embarrassing. He doesn't know that I only said that to try and keep him close. I saw him slipping away and I didn't know how to stop it. How do you deal with someone who has been your soulmate, your other half, recognize that they don't want to continue the life you have had together.
He will never believe me, but I won't betray his trust. I used to be his best friend, and now he can barely stand to be in the same room as me. I am trying. I will either try until God allows something to break, or I will try until there is no more time.
I can only liken our relationship to someone who has a fatal disease. I have a good idea of what the end date will be. There is nothing I can do to stop it. I can only tell him I love him and take from each day what he is willing to give. I know it hasn't been easy, but I always thought that once I broke through that darkness he would be there waiting. I guess I was wrong.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment