Another wake up like yesterday. I wanted to stay and talk... about good stuff, not the crap we have been dealing with. But it didn't happen. He rolled over and got up without even looking my way. I got up to go talk.
It is so frustrating to me. I wonder if this had broken in me just a month ago, would it have had a chance. That was before he said he didn't love me. But when we talked the other day, he said he had been miserable for months and had been planning his "escape" since May, he simply didn't have the money.
I just want one day like it used to be. I know he ticks me off always being late and with his lack of followup, but I just want a day. But then I wonder, what will it be like if I give it my all and get totally exposed, only to be rejected again. I don't know if I can take it. I have had so much of me hurt when I expose it, that I have almost forgotten how to be vulnerable. It's scary taking a chance when I know that it is most likely I will be hurt again.
I guess I just have to look at the good days. We didn't fight, he didn't leave. He hugged me, though it was completely void of the passion and love he once had. Is there a way to open that door again, please, someone tell me. For so long he wanted me, and I couldn't bear to look at him for the misery I felt in my heart. I pushed him away, and now he doesn't want to come back.
What can I do?...
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